Holding On To Black Metal
by Dena Gray
Summary: Lucius plays a joke on Snape to get him to dance in a bar. Snape turns the tables and totally wins. Fun, OOC, A/U. Crackfic, Songfic.


A/U: The War is still running. Now read.

* * *

><p>"I can't believe you talked me into this." The place was full of twenty-somethings dancing like vibrating idiots to the most awful music. Honestly, where was the point in going to a bar that wasn't quiet?<p>

Lucius walked up and settled comfortably at the wooden bar, smiling predatorily at the redhead sitting next to him. "Get over it, old man. You needed a bit of respite after that last meeting. Even I thought the Dark Lord was ridiculously suspicious of you, and I usually instigate his paranoia."

Severus narrowed his eyes, "About that."

A buxom brunette smiled broadly at them from behind the bar, clearly interested in the fairer complected of them. Lucius smiled at her. "Two brandies, my dear." He turned his amused gray eyes to his friend. "Yes?"

Severus sneered at the false charm he exuded. It was all a show, put on to attract the most victims and confuse most predators. "I know why you do that, instigating his paranoia merely to foist suspicion on someone else before it falls on you, but seriously, Lucius, I'm growing tired of this game. I am not your scapegrace."

Lucius' lips twitched during his speech and it made him wary. "Indeed you're not, my friend. In fact, I've brought you here to make up for it." The barmaid slipped their drinks across the smooth surface of the countertop and winked at Lucius. "Ah, yes, thank you." He picked up their drinks, handed one to Severus and tipped their glasses together. "Cheers."

"Hmph." Severus watched him over the rim of the glass as they drank. Lucius' eyes skimmed the twenty-something muggle crowd, obviously looking for something,

He found it. "You see that contraption against the wall over there?" He motioned with his glass.

"Mm?" Severus inquired and confirmed while taking a sip of brandy.

Lucius misunderstood, "The one garishly lit from within as if a Cornish Pixie set loose with a Lumos Charm and some powdered bicorn horn?"

He barely refrained from rolling his eyes and spoke his confirmation, "I do."

"It's called a jukebox."

Really. "I think I'm familiar."

"Are you, now?"

Severus couldn't tell if Lucius was being patronizing or truly an idiot. Hmph. Clearly a patronizing idiot wouldn't be too far from the mark.

"You forget I'm half-blood, you arrogant arse." Why did he remain friends with this fiend? Perhaps it had something to do with keeping sanity in check whenever he played his role for the Dark Lord.

Lucius smirked as if caught in his own joke. "Ah, how could I be so remiss? Well, I've been haunting this place for a few weeks and they play the most amusing game with it."

Well, now that wasn't where he expected this conversation to go, but "Really?" He let his doubt drop into the word as he thought back through the night as Lucius coerced him to choose Muggle clothing and wear his hair back. Lucius never went anywhere Muggle unless there was a reason.

Lucius leaned toward Severus in anticipation or confidence or something exciting. "Yes. The barkeep picks a song and everyone in the crowd gets a chance to guess the name of it."

"Doesn't sound very amusing. I thought your tastes ran a bit more sophisticated." Not to mention Patrician, Pureblood, Wizarding, Sadistic...he really could go on with the preconceptions of his blond friend sitting next to him.

"Usually they do, but this has a rather nice spark of competition to it and the victor wins a prize." At the word 'prize', Severus knew he was being had. Lucius was up to something. Did he want to win this prize? So why did he bring Severus along to a Muggle-

"You bastard. You didn't forget my Muggle roots at all, you want me to play this insipid game and win for you."

Lucius chuckled at Severus' indignation. "If I knew anyone at all who could fulfill this whim of mine, it would be you, Severus."

He set the drink tumbler down on the wooden surface with a distinctly hard chink. "You say you're bringing me here to apologize to me for throwing me under the bus, then you reveal your ulterior motive to pressure me into winning some musical trivia game for you? You really are a selfish prig."

"But I only have your best interests at heart, my friend. Think of the fact that you'll be doing something completely harmless, away from our Lord, away from those brats at that school of yours, and no one will know the wiser."

Damn him. "You have a point."

He knew he'd won. The bastard. "I do. And you just might have fun. Come, I'll buy you another drink before they start." He motioned to the barmaid who bounced up to them. "Yes, darling, another round please."

Severus made eye contact with her. "Make mine a scotch."

Lucius chastised him. "Severus. Mixing liquors. How uncouth."

He raised his eyebrow at that. "You're forcing me into this situation and then ridiculing my drink of choice? Who's uncouth?"

The light in his gray eyes was damned near Dumbledore-ish. "Touché."

She set their drinks down and Severus nodded to her, then picked his up and took a sip. "Damn right."

Lucius smirked and nodded at the barmaid. "Thank you." He lifted his own glass and tipped it again to Severus' "Cheers."

"Hmph." They downed their drinks just as a curly-haired man that looked like a human personification of an Irish Wolfhound, tall, gray and hairy, stalked up to the bar and rang a dinner bell to get everyone's attention.

"Alright, friends, gather round, gather round, we're bout to start the game. Everybody ready?"

Amazingly enough, the crowd congealed around the bar, leaving the tiny wooden dance floor empty. Why was this game so captivating? He'd never understand Muggles, despite being half one. There was some jumping, some caterwauling, and in general, it was an excited crowd.

The barkeep grinned back at them and tweaked something on the screen of the computer in front of him. "Lovely! Let's get the party started, eh?"

"Whoo!"

Severus turned a disturbed expression on the green-haired person who just yelled behind him. "Fantastic."

Lucius smirked, and the barkeep played some kind of fanfare. "First song!"

A cacophony that made gibberish make sense and gobbledegook easy to understand blared across the speakers at bombastic levels. Severus cringed. "What in heavens name was that tripe? Is this some joke? That wasn't music."

His blond companion chuckled. "No, no, no. He'll play it backwards, too fast, too slow...he rarely plays straight snippets. I thought you'd enjoy the puzzle of it."

Severus eye Lucius doubtfully, crossed his arms and leaned against the bar. "Hmph."

The barkeep called out, "No takers? Shall I play it again?"

Severus' ears nearly bled with the calls for 'yes'.

The wolfish man grinned and hit another square on his screen. "Here we go, a little different this time."

Severus listened, narrowed his eyes, then evaluated the tune, slowed it down in his head.  
>Then snorted.<p>

Lucius nearly pounced on him. "You know it?"

"Do I."

He looked ready to fall from his seat. "Well, yell it out! Go on!"

Severus blinked. "What? That's it? Don't I submit it or something?"

"This is a bar, old man, not one of your classrooms."

"Right." Raising his voice above the crowd yelling random words, Severus called out, "Black Metal!"

The barkeep held up his hands to everyone so they would quiet down. "Eh? Do we have a guess?"

Severus snorted again. "No, you have the title. Holding on to Black Metal by My Morning Jacket."

The man looked back at his terminal before rounding a stunned expression on Severus. "Damn, if you ain't right."

"Hmph." However, Severus' smirk didn't last long as soon as the barkeep's grew.

"You sure you want to be?"

His eyes narrowed. "Pardon?"

He looked Severus up and down. "Well, you don't look like my normal crowd in here," indicating the large group of youngsters with oversized pants, strange hair and an abundance of metal sticking out from all directions. "Do you know the rules?"

Severus shot a glance to Lucius in suspicion. He was hiding behind his drink. "You guess the title to the song, what else is there? I assume there's some sort of prize?"

Hoots of laughter and well-placed elbows angered Severus nearly enough to stalk away from this crowd, but at this point, it was becoming a matter of pride.

He sneered. No one could make fun of him and get away with it any longer.

The buxom barmaid apparently took pity on him and explained to the barkeep, "He doesn't know what the winner gets, Charlie."

From everyone's expressions and continued snickers, along with the fact that Lucius was steadfastly ignoring him just then, Severus could guess that it wasn't free drinks or a trophy.

'Charlie' rumbled in laughter, "Well, then, kind sir, you get to show us how to _dance_ to it."

Ice ran from his ears to his brain stem. Did he hear that right? "Excuse me?"

Raucous laughter all around him reminded him too, too clearly of an incident in his school years at Hogwarts. This was not happening again. Lucius was going to pay for this. He shot that man a murderous glare and started to walk away when his 'friend' slipped his wandtip out of his sleeve just enough to point at Severus with it.

"Ah-ah-ah. You won, old chap. Time to be gracious to our host."

He sneered down at the offensive piece of wood. "Like hell am I going to dance in public to a piece of music that sounds like it should be from my childhood. Half the people in here are too young to even understand the dance references appropriate for it."

Lucius smirked at him. "So why don't you show them?"

"NO."

He pressed his wand a bit higher to Severus' stomach.

"Lucius. I'm warning you."

He clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes. "Severus. It's just a little fun."

Someone from the other side of the bar interrupted them, "Oi! You backing out? Too embarrassed to play now you know the winner's rights?"

Another heckler joined in, "Leave the old man alone, he's probably got to check his diaper." More laughter.

NO! He was not going to leave this place humiliated! He refused to have any more mortifying memories to choke him at night. He would do this and he would find a way to get Lucius back for it. With his decision made, he turned to the Dark Lord's main instrument of torture and bartered, "If I do this, you're helping me Obliviate everyone of these bastards."

An almost euphoric expression crossed his face, "YES."

That was disturbing enough to make him slightly ill. Severus turned abruptly on his heel and met Charlie's eye. Everyone leered at him but he ignored them to state, "Play it."

An infant with multicolored hair and piercings he surely wouldn't have if he knew what Severus did about using them against their owner, mocked him, "You sure? Need to take your meds first, Grandad?"

Oh, if only they knew what he was capable of. He maintained eye contact with a much-amused Charlie. "Play. The song."

He shrugged and tapped his screen. "You asked for it."

Severus stalked regally towards the encroaching hyenas. When they snickered at him but held firm, he arched an eyebrow over a glinty eye. They snarked and giggled as he slipped his wand out to his first finger-joint and silently cast _Dissendium_.

They parted without even knowing why and looked accusingly to the others for doing it. He left them behind to continue his graceful stalk to the dance floor.

Predictably, they gathered and snarked. Sneered.

He simply lowered his lids halfway and remembered things he had ridiculously indulged himself in learning as a youth, or at least younger than he was now. Muggle dance was a constantly changing, constantly evolving and fascinating expression and ever since his first glimpse of television, he was hooked with the dichotomy of what made a man dance well.

He smirked, standing still, shoulders just-so, feet just-apart, waiting for the music to begin.

If there was anything he'd learned from watching Muggle television at all, it was that their dance was all about attitude.

Who had that more than he?

The guitar riff rolled into beat with the synthesizer, the tune hitting high notes with distorted brass. The drums snaked a rhythm up his spine that hit his shoulders and started moving his head, then his hips.

There were a few snickers, but they died off as the chorus started a line of "Oh's" that had him shifting his feet further out to allow for the larger shift between his hips and his head, then down to dip and grind his hips up before the lyrics started.

_It's a darkness you can't deny  
>But it don't belong in a grown up mind<em>

He kicked his right leg out, then down, back, then behind his steady leg, down again, forward, all in a rhythm too fast to truly calculate and someone must have recognized the move for they called out approval.

_Suppose you'll find this place in a youngster's eyes  
>Coming into life you needn't cry<br>But at a certain point you gotta let it go_

The more he danced, the more he dove into it, enjoying the cat-calls and surprised murmurs from the youths in the crowd. Lucius raised a glass to him. He kept dancing with a drop backwards to touch the ground, then back up.

_Or it will cross the permanent threshold  
>You know you gotta find it out in something else good<br>Oh black metal you're so misunderstood_

Now it would hit the chorus and he needed something to pull the crowd in. He didn't need this limelight nonsense anymore. Half-stepping, dropping his hips, alternating his feet and hand gestures, he beckoned some women of the group to follow him in a line. Amusingly enough, they did.

_Holdin' on to black metal  
>(Black metal)<br>Holdin' on to black metal  
>(Black metal)<br>Black metal you've been holding on too long_

Next would be some interesting lyrics. He swirled on his heels and stopped, facing the first female near him. It didn't matter what she looked like, as long as she complied. He cast _Obsequium_ mentally to garner her compliance and she looked up at him, dazed. Her brown, messy hair, brown eyes and slight frame reminded him of someone, but he pushed that aside as he focused on the music.  
><em><br>Oh black metal, so misunderstood  
>Deep black service under Lucifer's hood<br>Black metal steals souls young, enough is enough_

He paced around her, running his hands across her shoulders to pull her hair away from her neck.

_32oz refills out of Lucifer's cup_

Just as he was about to spin her around into a modified merengue, the multicolored tosser from before stepped up, "Oi, that's my girl, there."

_Black metal need to be unlearned you teenage pup_

_Look at you starchild you're all grown up_

Too perfect. Severus cast another silent _Obsequium_ and worked his way around the crowd, pulling them into the dance and lining them up in a small pattern reminiscent of that zombie routine that was so popular nearly thirty years ago.

_Still holdin' on to black metal  
>(Black metal)<br>Still holdin' on to black metal  
>(Black metal)<br>Black metal you've been holding on too long_

There, they were set, they were all under his thrall without the use of an Unforgivable, and Lucius was the last victim. He danced them all towards the blond. Step. Slide-step. Step. Step. Slide-step. Stomp.

_Catchin' waves on Lucifer's beach  
>Taking shade underneath Lucifer's trees<em>

They surrounded Lucius and shimmied in, out, in, out, hips and shoulders, step and spin. Ha! He was blushing!

_Getting sustenance from Lucifer's peach  
>Oh black metal it's affectin' all your speech<em>

Severus moved them all away into a tighter group, shuffle-stomping and hip-swinging their little bodies off. He smiled an evil grin. Sometimes it was good to be a puppetmaster. It was heady-stuff and it was times like these that kept him teetering on the edge of Light and Dark...

_Holdin' on to black metal  
>(Black metal)<br>Holdin' on to black metal  
>(Black metal)<br>Black metal you've been holding on too long_

(Black metal)  
>(Black metal)<br>Oh bring them to me  
>(Black metal)<br>Oh making me think  
>(Black metal)<br>Oh one, two, three

He let the crowd go of their compulsion and spun in place, stopping in a heartbeat on the final syllables,

_Let's rock!_

Everyone was so still, he was afraid for a moment that he'd gone too far, that perhaps they'd figured out they had been manipulated, but hoots and applause thundered in his ears instead of calls for blood and justice.

Green hair ran up to him, trying to grab his hand. "Holy hell, you old bugger, what was that?" He pulled it away before the person could touch it.

A scantily clad female turned to another in her group, "Oh, I've so got to text this."

One of her friends made negative motions with their hands. "Youtube!"

Too far! He'd gone too far! "LUCIUS!" Severus scanned the crowd for the man, but the crowd was mobbing him.

He heard a familiar voice from a distance. "Right. _Tamen Turba_!"

Everyone stopped. Including Severus. How he wished he could glare at that fiend right now. Fortunately, he noticed the predicament relatively soon. "Oh, forgive me, my friend. _Rennervate_."

He could glare now, though, as he unwound himself from the trees of people that had been descending upon him. "Bastard. I'm getting you back for this."

The blond simply chuckled. "Oh, I imagine you will."

Severus' nostrils flared in the silence surrounding them. "Was it worth it?"

Lucius' voice dropped an octave to say, "Immensely." His expression was nothing short of ecstatic. Did he really enjoy watching urban dance that much? How strange.

However, time was to remind him of his misdeeds. Specifically against Severus. "Good. I wonder which would be more fun. Spiking your brandy at Narcissa's next soiree with Veritaserum, or perhaps bribing a house elf to slip my newest version of the Imperio Potion into your breakfast? I imagine that would be a good start." He always needed liquid fortification to handle his wife's little parties and now he'd avoid alcohol altogether. Too bad he never paid attention to the fact that Veritaserum is rendered virtually ineffectual by alcohol.

He swallowed, "Start?"

Severus quirked an eyebrow and pretended he hadn't understood. "Beginning. Outset. Commencement."

"Arse."

And again, "Well, if you insist, but they'll be hard to find in this part of the country."

The look on his face to have his own humor thrown back at him was priceless. Lucius exclaimed, "_What_?"

"Then again, I could always contact Aberforth. Would you notice a difference between an Arse and a Goat?"

Lucius took a final sip of his drink and sat the glass on the bar. "I'm beginning to think you're more sadistic than I am."

Obsiquium. Severus mentally grinned but outwardly remained placid. "Never. Merely more creative."

"Ha. Anything you can do I can do better."

Without missing a beat, Severus replied the next line, only deadpan instead of the typical singing, "I can do anything better than you."

Lucius blinked. "What?"

Severus threw back his head and laughed, releasing the compulsion.

Lucius snapped his eyebrows together in irritation, "What!"

His laughter broke down into snickering. "Muggle musical. You just quoted a woman from an American musical."

"Oh, how disgusting."

"I know. But you did. Just think what I can do when I really apply myself."

The moment Lucius realized what Severus was saying, the moment he understood Severus had forced him to quote a Muggle musical and an American one at that...well, it, too was priceless.

He shook his head in denial. "No."

"Yes."

"You-?"

"Yes."

"But I-"

"I know."

"There was no-"

"Beautiful, isn't it? Wandless magic? Never one of your better subjects, even though you can do a few parlor tricks with that baton of yours."

"Now, hang on, old friend, let's not be rude."

"Rude? Who cornered who into a Muggle dance solo in front of an entire bar?"

"That was merely playful. If I had been rude, I'd have trussed you up in Agatha Longbottom's swaddling and just dumped you here."

"Oh, that was low. I told you _never_ to mention that."

"What. That boggart issue? A man keeps his ammunition for when he needs it."

"Ammunition?"

"If necessary."

Severus looked around the room, then back at Lucius. "Fine."

Lucius tilted his chin up in defiance. "Fine."

"I'll show you ammunition." He then proceeded to sweep through all the crowd's minds and implanted images of Lucius performing the Hustle in the background. With a smirk, he lets the crowd free of their stasis.

Several people snort and point as they walk past Lucius. Raucous laughter burst from a corner of the room farthest away from them but they all stared at Lucius.

"What did you do?"

He pursed his lips in a sneer. "Nothing more than you deserve. And that's still only the beginning. Old friend." With an arched brow, he spun on his heel and stalked towards the door.

"Severus?"

He paused.

"Severus."

"Go home to your wife, Lucius. While you still can."

"What?"

He exited the bar with peals of dark laughter rippling over his shoulders. That worked out quite nicely.

Not only did he save a potentially humiliating situation, but he was able to experiment with Muggle dance moves, a few new spells, threaten Lucius... and all with no one else the wiser.

The only thing that could make the night better would be if he could snag a decent lay. Wild hair on a slight frame peeked around the corner, sans multicolored boyfriend. Hmm.

Ah, and he needed to contact the Daily Prophet in the morning. Who knew Lucius could do the Hustle? He chuckled his way around the corner after the girl.

The End

* * *

><p>Notes: I hope you enjoyed my little cracky-OOCness! I hope I was able to explain what each spell means in context but basically they're for dividing the crowd, making suggestions or making compliant, and then making a crowd still. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! :) I love you all for it! I know Lucy's majorly OOC but I'm thinking he's really schnockered and just wants a bit of fun at Severus' expense. (hugs)<p> 


End file.
